Which Reminds Me...

Recently, I enjoyed watching Victoria and Abdul, a movie about the relationship between the

octogenarian, Queen Victoria, at the end of her reign, and a young, Indian servant, Abdul Karim.

The bond was deemed so controversial and scandalous by her family members that upon her death,they scrubbed his existence from history. Why was the royal household so outraged? Was it just merely his station in life compared to hers? His color? His religion? Jealousy that she preferred to spend time with him than them?

The bigger issue remains why did the family not trust and accept her judgment? A woman,

who at the age of 81, was a mother to 9 children, 42 grandchildren, and despite numerous health

issues, helped enact in her lifetime 2,347 pieces of legislation, plus was the longest serving monarch in world history, responsible for five households, a staff of over 3,000 individuals and a kingdom of nearly one billion people!

Ageism remains the last barrier in our country, with many families confronting similar issues.

Is Mom spending too much time with someone they do not “approve”? Is she acting in a way with

which they are not comfortable? Dancing into the wee hours? Taking too many vacations? Spending money in ways they think is frivolous?

On the flip side, Dad wants to know why his children no longer think he is capable of driving

when he has done so since he was 12. Why do his children think they have the right to dictate where he should live, when he once clothed and diapered them?! Who are they to say how he should run his life?

As the “sandwich” generation becomes more and more of a footlong, many of these sensitive

topics inevitably become addressed only during annual get-togethers, such as holiday celebrations. Already emotionally charged moments take on monster proportions. Who is going to take care of our parents, when we live so far away? Why do I need my children’s help when I have been an adult longer than they have been alive?! Where are our parents going to go when they no longer can take care of themselves? Does Dad have dementia or is he simply just getting older?

We all want the best for our loved ones. Unfortunately, this leads often to unrealistic

expectations and disappointment, which in turn, encourages guilt and isolation. As Queen Victoria

aptly said, “We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. They do not exist.”

Which Reminds Me:

While family gatherings and events held during the holidays still remain fresh in my memory, I continue hearing saxophone music ringing in my ears, a soul stirring melody of promises not kept,

inspiring me to do better. As our January determination fades into February frustration, perhaps the best resolution is to grant forgiveness. Not just to others, but mostly for ourselves and the goals we set that are impossible to meet.

Mental Health May

Did you know that when threatened, butterflies will close their colorful wings, snapping them shut, as a way of confusing those intending harm?

In fearful & vulnerable moments, many of us behave exactly like that.

We tend to hide and try not to be noticed, praying the danger will just pass us by. However, when appreciated and feeling confident, we allow ourselves to embrace our true nature, creating happiness within ourselves that we can experience with others.

Likewise, although caterpillars are perfectly wondrous all on their own, the metamorphosis that each one takes should inspire Hope in us all:

No matter how dark our Journey or safe our cocoon may seem, we all contain within us the possibility to spread our wings and fly, becoming stronger and more magnificent than before.

When asked if anyone in my own family suffers from Mental Illness, I often  respond: No, they all seem to enjoy it highly.

Unfortunately, mental health is truly not funny in any possible way.

The reality is, in accordance with Jewish tradition, I was named for a beloved cousin, who died before I was born. That she died by suicide at a young age has become a constant reminder to me of how many households face these types of overwhelming concerns.

All of which is why I am thankful to so many local heroes in this field, such as Jewish Family Services and others, for ensuring free and low-cost mental health programs exist in our community.

Plus, this is why my support and my law firm’s Sponsorship (and yours!!) of Mental Health Awareness initiatives in our community, such as the Butterfly Release at the Faulk Center for Counseling , remains so vitally important!!

Care should Never be a Privilege!!

Below is a list of agencies & organizations, comprised by Ruth & Norman Rales JFS, that provide counseling on sliding scale and/or reduced fee basis.

Please share with others and remember to express Gratitude, give HUGE hugs, Kindness and Understanding when possible. So many fight a battle that we never see.

Your wings already exist. All You need to do is Fly.

…and Remember: BEFORE Your Troubles Hit the Fan, Please Create Your Estate Plan!!!

That Reminds Me...

I really adore my pink bicycle, with its soft, extra wide-seat, large tires and big

basket in the back. It may not appear cool or sleek but it is just what I wanted

when I was 9 years old. I even have a bell !! So much better than the blue handme-

down I received at that age from the older, male members of my family.

However, I am not very athletic.

Nonetheless, the skies were blue, the breeze was blowing, no excuses available

and an invite to ride the open road was so tempting.

I started pedaling. Soon, I was reveling in the music playing on my radio and the

wind blowing through my hair. Butterflies flit by me, birds sang overhead. I felt at

one with nature and was actually enjoying exercising!!!

Visions of doing this every weekend quickly formed in my mind. YES! I also would be one of those

incredibly fit individuals I so admire. I was so excited at my own strength and complete dedication to health & wellness.

Just a few minutes later, I saw a huge truck looming ahead, blocking the sidewalk on which I rode.

I quickly became anxious. How would I navigate around it without endangering myself? Biking on the street seemed as equally risky to me as jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

Then, I began to get more upset. Why did this truck have to ruin my great ride? So inconsiderate to park on the sidewalk!! How dare they??

Of course, as I continued to ride, I could see that the truck was actually parked closer to the road, not on the sidewalk at all.

All that time spent worrying and feeling frustrated for nothing, which is often the case, isn’t it? So many concerns frequently form in our minds, affecting our outlook, that turn out to be quite manageable or nonexistent later. My husband likes to say, “Don’t Borrow Pain from the Future”!!

As an attorney, I know this too well. Many clients come to me, worried about the “What If’s” of this world. I regularly tell each that the problems that cannot be solved with time or money are the ones that remain out of our control. We can and should address troubling issues as best as possible, but then comes the time to put our fears aside and truly enjoy our lives.

Although, exercise remains not as much a part of my life as it should be, the memory of that simple bike ride helps me to keep things in perspective. Anyone Want to Join Me?